oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he shaved USA in his pubs
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
