Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
