we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
