I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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