I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
