Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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