90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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