soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
