Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
