Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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