He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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