Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I cut my penus on the lid.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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