Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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