thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
