whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
