Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
