I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
