11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
