It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
