Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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