I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
