So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
