You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
