is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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