how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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