when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
