8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
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He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
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I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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