I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
nutella sex= disaster
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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