The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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