So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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