Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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