wake up i wanna do it froggy style
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
