Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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