My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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