I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
