i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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