there's paper in my vomit.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
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After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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