Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
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Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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