here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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