Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
