One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The air taste purple.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
