Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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