wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
