i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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