Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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