Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
