you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
