I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
