Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize
