I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
