He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
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Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
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Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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