Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
