I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
