I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
