She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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