okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
