There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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