mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
