I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
