My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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