I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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