I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i need to put some appletini on your dick
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